Another year has passed

I am sure my regular visitors will know how important family are to me - they are the roots that ground us & let us grow. Knowing who you are & where you come from is important because it is those influences which make us who we are with all our quirky ways.

I come from a family of strong women who are not daunted by life, another year has passed & today I will be mindful that it is 4 years since we took leave of a beloved Mother.

Last year, with a cousin taken too soon by cancer, my reflection focused on those taken too soon .  Another year has passed & I have lost more friends & more cousins to cancer & we seem to be no closer to understanding the many cancers which now touch too many lives.

I will be thankful for my Mom's life lived, thankful that we had the time we did, thankful that my Mom was sustained by the lifelong love & support of my Dad, her rock. She always said she could face anything as long as he was by her side, and that was how it was ...

However, I wish I had her fashion & style (my daughters certainly have it .... )

I still use her needlework & embroidery & follow in her footsteps by being a bit of a tea drinker  (not in cups & saucers as she did,  I do prefer more practical thin mugs .... )

I will light my angel candle & give thanks for her life & the time we had as I celebrate a life well lived so she is not defined by her last few months.

Sending love, light, peace & blessings to all, especially those who are missed ....
Dee ~♥~

Remembering Mom

Today marks 3 years since my Mother lost her fight with cancer.  Time heals the raw grief but as those who have lost a close one, it still strikes at unexpected times when a song, flower, perfume, lipstick, shoe style or something quite ordinary brings the harsh reality of the finality & fragility of life.

I don't know of anyone who has not had a friend, acquaintance or family member who has not been touched by cancer.

It is a bit of a lottery - some will have a less aggressive cancer that if found early, will respond to treatment & they will survive but that is not the common thread amongst the tales we know first hand.

Many, like my Mother, will fight it with everything they have, with determination to overcome it, but it will not always be so. It is an unforgiving disease - taking away strength & dignity, however strong the person.

So on this third anniversary - I light a candle to a life well lived, on her terms,  part of a devoted couple who stuck to their 'till death us do part' vows for 56 years.

My friend Ellie & I have signed up to do a midnight walk in aid The Severn Hospice - a local hospice that provides excellent palliative care to give dignity to those who need it. I visited a friends Mother who finished her last days - due to cancer too - in the local hospice.

So in honour of my Mother & other close friends & family who are facing down cancer - this walk will be to raise funds while remembering them.

My reflective advice is: 

Live your life the way you want to be remembered.

Write those letters, make the phone calls, tolerate the ones who brush you up the wrong way - we can't get on with everyone in our life but if you try to leave people feeling better as you part, you are making a difference - however small it might be.

Being right is not as important as being kind.

Don't stress the little things - they don't matter.

People won't remember what you said but how you made them feel.

We all feel invincible but we do not know how much time we have, so go gently through the world.

Do what you love & do it with love

To quote from one of my favourite books 

“Perhaps he knew, as I did not, that the Earth was made round so that we would not see too far down the road.” (and be afraid) ― Karen Blixen, Out of Africa

If you know of someone with cancer, do not be afraid to speak to them, to be there to hold them up when their wings forget how to fly because they need that strength & comfort.

So go gently,  do random acts of kindness & be thankful for lives well lived.

Dee ~♥~

Time passes ....

I hope you have not tired of my sewing enthusiasm & efforts. Yesterday I was joined by a good friend for a day of hand sewing & on the way over, we chatted about what we thought we would make. Each of us chose something personal. I shared that mine was leaning towards making a letter holder / folder to store my precious letters from my late Mother.

It was a conscious thought because today marks 2 years & it has been on my mind more this past week.  Many shared the journey of the strong women in my family  & the closing chapter, then last year I blogged that I was remembering-to-celebrate-life and again I am thankful for the time spent & memories shared.

Over tea, a favourite past time of my Mom's,

I selected what she would have liked - lots of lace, pretty pink crochet flowers that reminded me of the flowers we placed as a final tribute. I used fabrics that were pretty but not dated as Mom was always stylish.

I used to embroider with my Mom so I reached into the recesses of my mind to recall some of the stitches from so far back - running, blanket, stem, slip stitch to attach the embellishments of buttons, beads, lace, & quilted pieces. I added typed texts ...

It did not turn out to be a letter holder but more of a small panel; however, it was lovely to find  reflection time by making something with someone special in mind.  I loved the fellowship & easy chatter as I wondered around taking photos of the beautiful work; in Afrikaans we call it 'gesellig' - comfortable, sociable ….

My next project will be that letter bag but for now ... 'The Parting' is my tribute!

Dee ~♥~

Celebrating Mom's life

It is so easy to be drawn into the sadness that prevails when you lose someone you love, but I am determined to celebrate my Mother's life a year on rather than dwell on how cancer robbed her of a long life & a dignified end.

Last year, a day before she passed I posted this  for the special women in my family  .

Then as she 'slipped the surly bonds of earth .... to touch the face of God',  a friend, Sarah, sent me this:

The Significant Hours of our Life

"One other thing stirs me when I look back at my youthful days...  The fact that so many people gave me something or were something to me without knowing it. Such people, with whom I never perhaps exchanged a word, yes, and others about whom I merely heard things by report, had a decisive influence on me; they entered into my life and became powers within me.

Much that I should otherwise not have felt so clearly or done so effectively was felt or done as it was, because I stand, as it were, under the sway of these people.  Hence I always think that we all live, spiritually, by what others have given us in the significant hours of our life.

These significant hours do not announce themselves as coming, but arrive unexpected.  Nor do they make a great show of themselves; they pass almost unperceived. Often, indeed, their significance comes home to us first as we look back, just as the beauty of a piece of music or of a landscape often strikes us first in our recollection of it.  

Much that has become our own in gentleness, modesty, kindness, willingness to forgive, in veracity, loyalty, resignation under suffering, we owe to people in whom we have seen or experienced these virtues at work, sometimes in a great matter, sometimes in a small.  A thought which had become an act sprang into us like a spark, and lighted a new flame within us.....

If we had before us those who have thus been a blessing to us, and could tell them how it came about, they would be amazed to learn what passed over from their life into ours."

                                                         Albert Schweitzer (1875 – 1965)

So I choose to celebrate my Mother's life well lived because I  will not let her be defined by her last months of treatment which she faced so bravely. My Dad, her lifelong rock, at her side through it all, giving her the strength to be strong.

What legacy would you like to leave?

How would you like to be remembered? 

So make those calls, write those letters, spoil your Mom while you can - tomorrow is never promised!

Rest peacefully Mom,
Dee ~♥~